DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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