He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
