Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
