i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
