I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
