I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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