I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
