smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
