i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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