just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
