Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
