Cold hands, warm shart.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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