I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
