Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
