My room smells like vodka and shame
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
