you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
