I'm laying in your front yard are you home
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
