there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
