That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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