look no pants
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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