Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize