i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
