Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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