My room smells like vodka and shame
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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