I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
