): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You are the jesus of drinking
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
