Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
