i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
