I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
