I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
