i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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