My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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