farters have to be the big spoon...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i came on her dog
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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