When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize