The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
