i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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