just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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