you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize