I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
