if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
