If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just pee around me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
