Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
