She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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