i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
