the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
