there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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