D3 body, D1 cock
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
