My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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