If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
