I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it glows. i had to have it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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