Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's always time for handjobs
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize