Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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