Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
