I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
