we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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