Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
