In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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