I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
