roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
