i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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