Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
