WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
