soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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