everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize