Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
