high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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