This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
