Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
