Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
