I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize