the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
