he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
