One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
