Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
